Dustin and I are opposites. I’m emotional. He’s rational. I’m spontaneous. He’s a planner. I think cereal for dinner is ridiculous. He thinks that’s what heaven will be like. I think speaking before 8 a.m. is a sin. He wakes up chatty. I never follow recipes. He FREAKS OUT in the kitchen without one. I hate dessert. He has a legitimate dessert compartment. I’m an introvert. He’s an extrovert.
I could go on all day. All. Day. (Said in your best Schmidt voice, please)
The one that gets us the most is the last one. Introvert vs. extrovert. It’s a battle, y’all. It’s taken us four years to figure that one out. There has to be a balance or one of us is miserable. There has to be give and take on both of our parts or it gets ugly.
Dustin and I both talk to people for a living. We both love what we do. I leave work feeling drained. He leaves work feeling pumped up and ready for more. When I get home from work, I don’t want to talk. I need a minute to chill out, process the day, change my clothes, sit, etc. When Dustin gets home from work, he wants to chat it up, tell some jokes, talk extensively, do a song and dance, etc. The first few years we were married the toughest time of the day was the 30 minutes when we both got home at the same time. I didn’t want to answer his questions and I didn’t want to ask any of my own. I was rude and annoyed when he would ask questions. I seemed disinterested when I wouldn’t talk or ask anything myself. We would argue. It would ruin the night. You get the picture.
We finally had what we call a “come to Jesus conversation” about it. Just a this is what’s up, a let’s shoot straight, no hard feelings conversation.
I asked for 30 minutes. On the days we get home at the same time, I need 30 minutes. 30 minutes of no talking. 30 minutes of no questions, no noise, just 30 minutes of silence. If you can give me that; I will gab it up with you all night long. If you can give me those 30 minutes, I will write jokes, ask questions, and tell you everything you want to know and more about the day. But I just need 30 minutes.
Let me just tell you something. Those 30 minutes have saved a small part of our marriage. We had to make a deal. We had to compromise but man, y’all. So. Worth. It. Sometimes Dustin has to circle the block or go to Starbucks because he knows I haven’t had my 30 minutes but he’s willing to do it. And for that I am grateful.
Take it or leave it. Either way, can we just take a moment to fist bump for those 30 minutes?