In Which Grief Looks A Little Bit Like This

I think I’m starting to crawl my way out of the grief trenches, you guys. And by “crawl out of the trenches” I mean I’m taking a shower every day AND putting on different clothes on a daily basis. It’s big stuff over here. I even wore eye liner THREE DAYS IN A ROW. I’m making a come back, y’all! Can anyone who has been in the trenches give this girl a hallelujah and amen!?

I was talking with two friends recently. One who has known deep heartache in adoption and the other who has known deep loss in pregnancy. In both conversations we were laughing about what grief looks like. So much of it was the same.

So, this one goes out to all the people who get it. The trenches suck, my friend. I see you. I feel you. Let’s laugh about the weird things that grief has made us do, shall we? Because in what other context is it hilarious that you haven’t showered in days and are drinking at weird times? The answer is none. None other context but this one.

In which grief has looked a little bit like…

Peanut butter M&Ms. For breakfast. For lunch. For dinner.

Leaving your house and feeling like someone should throw you a parade complete with ribbon twirlers because YOU LEFT THE HOUSE AND THAT’S A BIG DEAL RIGHT NOW.

Not wanting to go to church because WTH, God?!

Going to church (only because your husband says you should) and standing there arms crossed, stone cold, giving God the middle finger in your head because you just cannot.

A glass of wine before it’s 5 o’clock ANYWHERE in the world.

Lots of four letter words. Lots.

Finding so much solidarity in your husband repeatedly saying things like, “I’m just so sad you’re here right now” and “I’m so sad to see you.” Amen and amen.

Displaced anger. And by “displaced anger” I 100% mean that time the security agent in Brussels politely asked me to step aside to which I politely told him that HE WAS THE ONE WHO COULD STEP ASIDE. I’m so sorry, sir. That was such a bad day for me.

Having to unsubscribe to Groupon because Groupon Getaways.

Feeling like someone should just do a slow clap on repeat for you your entire first week back to work.

What your husband has so loving termed “the bowels of Netflix.” i.e. Four Weddings… and my goodness, y’all. B!$*&es be crazy.

Christmas music in April. Because FOR THE LOVE that is the only thing that feels right.

 

What else y’all got for me? Please tell me something funny because after not laughing for so long… it feels so good to laugh. Am I right or amiright?

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6 comments

  1. When I was going through my divorce I took up new hobbies: specifically soap making and pole dancing. I put a stripper pole in my garage and in a fit of pole magic, I flung myself wildly around the thing and flew off of it. I landed in a heap in the corner on top of my artificial Christmas tree. Grief totally made me do that.

    One day, one minute, sometimes just one breath at a time. Praying grace and mercy over you!

      1. Oh my heavens, I was going to try to come up with something funny for you. But I cannot even begin to top what Sara said. Holy perfection is right.

        Grief is a very funny thing that comes in waves. You’re already on the right track letting it all out. I’m praying for you.

        And then when you get down, please just envision Sara flying through her garage and landing on her Christmas tree.

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