Beautiful Torture

A really good friend asked a few weeks ago if we had any adoption news we wanted to share. She said that if we didn’t, for us to just know they were still praying and praying and praying for our family. I told her that things were happening but we were just waiting and not really saying a whole lot. She proceeded to say the following, “Totally get that. When you are ready we want to hear, but not until then. I can’t even imagine the beautiful torture of deciding to expose your hearts again.”

YES. Beautiful torture. Yes, indeed.

I so desperately don’t want this to be our story. I want it to be someone else’s and I want to be sad for them. I don’t want this to be mine. I don’t want to have to live it, carry it, and I most certainly don’t want to have to tell it. But it is our story. It’s the only one we know. It’s the only story we have to tell.

So, we’re staking claims in this house. We’re staking claims in our hearts. We’re choosing to believe that this story isn’t finished. We’re choosing to believe that our hearts are big enough to love all over again. We choosing to say Yes again. All over again. Beautiful torture.

Things are happening. We’re just waiting. We’re not really saying a whole lot.

You guys came beside us when we did the puzzle fundraiser. The puzzle was one of the greatest moves of solidarity ever. I have read those names a hundred times over the past year. That puzzle made me cry a zillion times. That puzzle still makes me cry. I wanted so badly to read those names to JT. I still do. I want him to know that even though he won’t ever reside in this home, that people fought for him. I want him to know that people stood up for him and believed so many things for him. I want him to know names. Actual names of people who prayed and believed for him, and still do. I want him to know that so many people love him even though they never knew him. I want him to know that people chose to enter this story, his story. I want him to know that people hurt for him. I love that puzzle. I also hate that puzzle. It’s JT’s puzzle. It’s the puzzle that took me to him. It will also be the puzzle that takes us to a different child. I love that. And I hate that. So much. Beautiful torture.

We’re staking claims on this new little one. We’re choosing something for just him or her. (We aren’t saying which. So sorry. Except I’m not.)

We’re selling t-shirts because YAY. T-shirts are the best. Always.

Here’s how it works:

1. We have 21 days to sell at least 50 shirts. Do we have at least 50 people who want to re-stand beside us? I don’t even know and I can’t even think about that. STAKING CLAIMS, Y’ALL.

2. If we sell at least 50 shirts within the 21 days, the shirts will print. If we don’t, the shirts will not print.

3. What that means is we need to sell at least 50 shirts. What that also means is, if you order a shirt your account will not be charged and your shirt will not ship until the 21 days is over (October 1).

4. When (If?) the shirts print and ship, we want a picture of you people wearing them. We’re going to do something with all the pictures. They will hang in the same bedroom as the puzzle. So much love in one room. So many feelings about that.

Shop away. Share away. Do All The Things. I don’t even care. We are grateful for you. Already.

Who wants to be a part of the most dramatic adoption story ever?? Let’s do this.

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Here’s the link that will take you to the website where you can look at and order a shirt. Have at it.
https://www.bonfirefunds.com/koctar-adoption-fund

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