Over the weekend Dustin and I started seeing all of these pictures flood our social media accounts with the hashtag, stand for life, attached to them. Most threw out a scripture and wrote a little blurb about why they stood for life. It was a movement started in response to the Planned Parenthood videos released earlier. The minute I started seeing these pictures my insides started squirming… it’s not that easy, right? You can’t just post a picture with a pretty filter on it and say you’re standing for life. That cannot actually be people’s response to those videos, to an issue that is enormous and complicated, there’s more to it. Posting a picture isn’t actually standing for life (insert all the exclamation points)… And so I’ve taken the last few days to sort through some feels about it and this is what I came up with.
A few weeks ago, Dustin and I were talking about how funny Wyatt is. We were telling stories and laughing, because he is actually really funny (and I don’t think just anybody is funny). It got quiet for a minute and Dustin said, “I feel sad his biological parents are missing out on him.”
Yes. That, though. Always that.
Wyatt is a miracle, like an actual miracle. Because sometimes life isn’t chosen but rather it is found, and that’s the kind of heavy stuff that makes you think about all the things differently. It’s also the kind of stuff that changes the world, ya know? And so we sit around praying that one day this kid will feel so confident in who he is, in his story, that he will share it with others. And when he does, I swear to you, something big is going to happen. Like, drop the mic kind of big.
I stand for life. Yes, for sure. But standing for life as a blanket response to the Planned Parenthood videos feels somewhat dismissive and totally incomplete. I don’t think we can stand for life without standing for a hundred other things first. I don’t believe we can be pro- life without being pro a heck of a lot of other things, too. I’m not huge on saying I’m standing for life and then not like, doing the dirty work of actually standing for life (other than choosing for myself not to have an abortion, because I have endless support and resources to name a few). Because to truly stand for life is to stand for something rather messy, in my opinion. To truly stand for life is to stand for support and resources and education. It’s to stand for biological family first and then it’s to stand for another family second. It’s to stand for you possibly being that family. It’s to stand for giving of our time and resources. Because if you really want to defend the defenseless our hands are going to have to get dirty (and also our homes and probably our hearts, too).
And so I also stand for empathy. I stand for not having the first clue what it is like to feel like abortion is my only or best option. I stand for intense heartache for my son’s first mom. I stand for grace. I stand for women in crisis. I stand for organizations supporting women in crisis. I stand for family. I stand for organizations doing the hard work of keeping families together. I stand for foster care. I stand for every church getting involved in their respective city’s foster care system. I stand for adoption as a last resort for kids.
So let’s stand for life. Duh, yes. A thousand times yes. And then let’s also like actually stand for life, because that’s the kind of stuff the world needs.
On The Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman